I'm going to start this post off by saying that I have wanted to write about this every day for the past 15 years or so, but I didn't want to just write the post....I wanted to live it and learn from it as well. In order to be affective when writing about this particular subject, I had to sit back and think about the last time that I felt comfortable wearing any piece of clothing that showed my leg braces (i.e. shorts, dresses, capris, skirts, etc.).
When I thought long and hard about this, the answer didn't shock me near as much as I thought it would. I didn't have the 'aha' moment that I was hoping for. It seems this all started when I turned 15. I know you're all as shocked as I was to discover that a 15 year old girl would be concerned about the way she looks in front of her peers; especially, when it's so obvious that this girl was already different in so many ways from her peers.
So for the past 15 years, I’ve been steadily making sure that my prom dresses, graduation dress, college formal dresses, and even my wedding dress were long enough to cover my leg braces, and the tennis shoes that I am forced to wear with them in hopes that people would forget that I am different. Not to mention the fact that I can count on one hand the amount of times that I have worn a skirt or shorts in the past 15 years. That’s saying a lot from a woman who has lived in Jacksonville, FL during the summer. Why? What in the hell would make me think that this would make my difference go away or be any less obvious? Why would I want my difference to be any less obvious? It’s obviously made me into the person that I am today.
For the past year, I have been doing A LOT of work. I’ve been working to lose the extra weight that I gained when I had my daughter. This has been a big goal of mine because under all that extra weight is the heart of the person that I used to be. I’m happy to say that one year later, I have lost a total of 20 pounds, and I am on my way to finding that inner peace again. In the past few weeks I have also began to wear dresses again. I no longer think of my leg braces as an embarrassment, but as accessories now. If others think wearing Ugg boots with a dress makes a fashion statement, then why can’t my leg braces and tennis shoes do the same?
So, I’m going to leave you all with this quote from Isaac Bashevis “What a strange power there is in clothing.” From now on, I won’t be a slave to my clothing. Instead, I’ll use it to empower myself. That is my promise to you. Think about what clothing means to you and whether or not you give it too much power in your own life. Are you a slave to name brands? If so, ask yourself why. If it’s because you love the clothing and it makes you feel good about yourself, then keep on keeping on. If it’s for other reasons, examine those and ask yourself if you need to make a change. In the end, yours is the only opinion that matters.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Back in the Saddle Yet Again...
Well hello there my long lost friends! I know it's been too long since we last got together. My apologies for abandoning you all for so long, but rest assure that you were not forgotten. In fact, since my last post there have been some big changes in my life. In February we lost my step-dad to ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). He fought hard, but in the end it was a battle that he just couldn't win. He was an amazing dad, and someone that has taught me just as much in death as he did in life.
You're probably wondering how this pertains to my life as a military spouse and as a mother with a disability. Well, let me enlighten you. On the morning of February 23rd I received the phone call that I hoped to would never come, but with life we must also accept death. As soon as I got the details, I hung up the phone and proceeded to work hard to get an emergency flight back home to be with my family. As a military spouse, we're almost never stationed around family so when things like this happen it makes an already stressful situation even worse.
When I found a flight that would be leaving from Monterey a few hours later, I was actually relieved that I would be able to get to my family as soon as I could. This couldn't have went down any different. After multiple flight changes due to weather, mechanical issues, etc. I arrived in Indianapolis where my best friend greeted me. Boy, was I glad to see her...just not under these circumstances. The next few days were an absolute blur.
Once I arrived back in Monterey, I sat down at my computer to write my next post, but words plagued me. I struggled to understand why for the first time in my life, I was speechless. I thought that when Larry died, he took my confidence as a writer with him. After all, he and my mom have always been my biggest "cheerleaders." For the past several months, I have doubted my ability to write about things that you all will find interesting, while still explaining how they pertain to my life as a military spouse and a mother with a disability. Last night Larry came to me in a dream. He told me that if I didn't start writing again, then my "talent" would be wasted.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I have "talent" or if I'm just seriously passionate about the craft of writing, no matter what it is that I'm writing about. But here I am...back in the saddle again. I was recently asked what my dream job would be. It wasn't something that I even had to think about. I have known since the 5th grade that I have wanted to be a writer, but more than that I want to teach children to write creatively. After all, this is where I realized what I was meant to do with my life. This dream has NEVER changed. You see, it didn't die when Larry did...it was simply displaced for awhile. What amazes me is that even in death Larry is still cheering me on. So, just because most military families will never be stationed close to their families, it doesn't mean that our families don't continue to have a major impact in our lives.
Thanks for giving me the push that I needed to "get back in the saddle again" Larry. I love you and miss you always! So until next time, think about what your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Is that still your dream? If so, how can you work on making that dream a reality?
You're probably wondering how this pertains to my life as a military spouse and as a mother with a disability. Well, let me enlighten you. On the morning of February 23rd I received the phone call that I hoped to would never come, but with life we must also accept death. As soon as I got the details, I hung up the phone and proceeded to work hard to get an emergency flight back home to be with my family. As a military spouse, we're almost never stationed around family so when things like this happen it makes an already stressful situation even worse.
When I found a flight that would be leaving from Monterey a few hours later, I was actually relieved that I would be able to get to my family as soon as I could. This couldn't have went down any different. After multiple flight changes due to weather, mechanical issues, etc. I arrived in Indianapolis where my best friend greeted me. Boy, was I glad to see her...just not under these circumstances. The next few days were an absolute blur.
Once I arrived back in Monterey, I sat down at my computer to write my next post, but words plagued me. I struggled to understand why for the first time in my life, I was speechless. I thought that when Larry died, he took my confidence as a writer with him. After all, he and my mom have always been my biggest "cheerleaders." For the past several months, I have doubted my ability to write about things that you all will find interesting, while still explaining how they pertain to my life as a military spouse and a mother with a disability. Last night Larry came to me in a dream. He told me that if I didn't start writing again, then my "talent" would be wasted.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I have "talent" or if I'm just seriously passionate about the craft of writing, no matter what it is that I'm writing about. But here I am...back in the saddle again. I was recently asked what my dream job would be. It wasn't something that I even had to think about. I have known since the 5th grade that I have wanted to be a writer, but more than that I want to teach children to write creatively. After all, this is where I realized what I was meant to do with my life. This dream has NEVER changed. You see, it didn't die when Larry did...it was simply displaced for awhile. What amazes me is that even in death Larry is still cheering me on. So, just because most military families will never be stationed close to their families, it doesn't mean that our families don't continue to have a major impact in our lives.
Thanks for giving me the push that I needed to "get back in the saddle again" Larry. I love you and miss you always! So until next time, think about what your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Is that still your dream? If so, how can you work on making that dream a reality?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Is This Deja Vu or Just My Life as a Military Spouse? Somebody Get Me a Drink, Please!
Hey there! So as you know from the last post, assuming you read the last post (If you didn't... lie to me), James is gone for the week, and it's just me, Caylee and Chiquita. So James is off in Port Hueneme for a one week class that should have been taken last year when he was actually selected for promotion, but things don't always happen the way they're supposed to when deployment is a factor.
As any of you military spouses know, deployments have the worst possibly timing. It comes when you're least prepared for it, you know when life is so hectic that you aren't sure which way is up or down. Or in my case whether I need to take Caylee out to potty or the dog to school.
Even those of you who aren't military spouses know that life gets crazy, and when it does we all have to put our heads between our legs and breathe. Okay, maybe that's not the way some of you handle it. I myself handle it with a prozac and a drink. Just kidding! For those of you who have never been through a deployment or a military separation of any kind consider yourself lucky. Now, I'm not saying that your spouses or significant others don't have jobs that take them away for periods of time on occasion. There are lots of jobs that test our family lives.
Clearly, I'm having a hard time getting to the point here. I don't want to offend anyone, or make anyone think that military families have it harder than anyone else because that's not true. So from here on out, I'm getting to the point of this post so put on your big girl and big boy panties and toughen up!
So as I'm coming back in from taking the dog out to potty for the 200th time today while I'm fixing Caylee dinner, doing the laundry, etc.my husband calls and tells me that he's on his way back from a mandatory mixer at the Officer's Club. Are you kidding me? That is information that I would have kept locked up so tight that someone would need security clearance to get to it. Now, I'm not in denial. I know that the military has lots of mandatory social functions, but you NEVER want to tell your spouse this while they're back at home taking care of that end.
Sometimes, we tend to take what we have for granted. We also tend to take what our partners have given up for us for granted. We start thinking that they "owe" that to us. Let's be honest people, no one "owes" us anything. As an member of the military you know that you have to be up for anything at anytime. As a military spouse you have to be ready for the same anything at anytime because let's be realistic the saying is true, "if the military wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one." The government doesn't care that your wife has been a single parent for the past year and that your kids only see you on skype or in pictures. They have a mission to accomplish to. What the government needs to realize is that without those men and women who make that sacrifice they would be up a creek. What military spouses need to realize is that without those men and women we wouldn't live in the kind of world that we live in. We wouldn't have the same freedoms. And without our spouses who are left behind, those active duty members wouldn't be able to have some of the normal things in life. Without them, life would just stop when deployment rears its ugly head. Okay, so it may not stop, but you would have a lot more to think about before they deploy. Things such as who will take care of your children while you're gone? How will the bills get paid? etc.
So before you take your spouse and their contributions to your family for granted, take a step back and realize that every family member has a purpose. Everyone makes a contribution in their own way, whether that means being the wife/husband that stays at home and takes care of the kids and house or being the spouse that goes off to work every day, etc. Everyone makes a contribution. So next time you think that you have it harder than your spouse, take out a sheet of paper and write down everything that your spouse takes on. You'll find in the end that if you take a step back you can put things into perspective. So appreciate the ones you love and realize that they were put on this earth if for no other reason than to love you that that's pretty awesome!
Stay tuned for more Misadventures of this Military Wife and Dis' Able Mommy!
As any of you military spouses know, deployments have the worst possibly timing. It comes when you're least prepared for it, you know when life is so hectic that you aren't sure which way is up or down. Or in my case whether I need to take Caylee out to potty or the dog to school.
Even those of you who aren't military spouses know that life gets crazy, and when it does we all have to put our heads between our legs and breathe. Okay, maybe that's not the way some of you handle it. I myself handle it with a prozac and a drink. Just kidding! For those of you who have never been through a deployment or a military separation of any kind consider yourself lucky. Now, I'm not saying that your spouses or significant others don't have jobs that take them away for periods of time on occasion. There are lots of jobs that test our family lives.
Clearly, I'm having a hard time getting to the point here. I don't want to offend anyone, or make anyone think that military families have it harder than anyone else because that's not true. So from here on out, I'm getting to the point of this post so put on your big girl and big boy panties and toughen up!
So as I'm coming back in from taking the dog out to potty for the 200th time today while I'm fixing Caylee dinner, doing the laundry, etc.my husband calls and tells me that he's on his way back from a mandatory mixer at the Officer's Club. Are you kidding me? That is information that I would have kept locked up so tight that someone would need security clearance to get to it. Now, I'm not in denial. I know that the military has lots of mandatory social functions, but you NEVER want to tell your spouse this while they're back at home taking care of that end.
Sometimes, we tend to take what we have for granted. We also tend to take what our partners have given up for us for granted. We start thinking that they "owe" that to us. Let's be honest people, no one "owes" us anything. As an member of the military you know that you have to be up for anything at anytime. As a military spouse you have to be ready for the same anything at anytime because let's be realistic the saying is true, "if the military wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one." The government doesn't care that your wife has been a single parent for the past year and that your kids only see you on skype or in pictures. They have a mission to accomplish to. What the government needs to realize is that without those men and women who make that sacrifice they would be up a creek. What military spouses need to realize is that without those men and women we wouldn't live in the kind of world that we live in. We wouldn't have the same freedoms. And without our spouses who are left behind, those active duty members wouldn't be able to have some of the normal things in life. Without them, life would just stop when deployment rears its ugly head. Okay, so it may not stop, but you would have a lot more to think about before they deploy. Things such as who will take care of your children while you're gone? How will the bills get paid? etc.
So before you take your spouse and their contributions to your family for granted, take a step back and realize that every family member has a purpose. Everyone makes a contribution in their own way, whether that means being the wife/husband that stays at home and takes care of the kids and house or being the spouse that goes off to work every day, etc. Everyone makes a contribution. So next time you think that you have it harder than your spouse, take out a sheet of paper and write down everything that your spouse takes on. You'll find in the end that if you take a step back you can put things into perspective. So appreciate the ones you love and realize that they were put on this earth if for no other reason than to love you that that's pretty awesome!
Stay tuned for more Misadventures of this Military Wife and Dis' Able Mommy!
Toto, I Don't Think We're in Kansas Anymore!
Well hello again. Thanks for joining me. The last time we spent together I was trying to decide about whether or not we were going to get a dog. Well that decision was made and all I have to say now is....holy hell ya'll!!!! So we've added a new addition to our family in the form of our four-legged friend. Her name is Chiquita and she's a toy poodle. Caylee has found her long lost best friend and cartoon watching buddy, James has found his way out of town this week during puppy potty training, and I have found myself wanting to fix myself a drink.
I'm seriously having flash backs of our first deployment as a family of 3. Caylee was only 3 months old and I was a pseudo single parent while my husband went to fight for our country. James has only been gone 2 days, and I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Between taking the dog out excessively to teach potty training, cleaning up the accidents when the dog decides that she doesn't want to go outside in the dark and/or rain to potty, everything that I have to do for Caylee, plus take care of everything here at home; I'm a woman on the edge. Not to mention that I haven't used the bathroom in like 6 hours. I haven't had a moment to myself. It's crazy.
Is this what having two children is like? If so, take me off of that list as this vintage body just can't hack it anymore. Day three should be much better as Caylee goes back to school tomorrow morning after a two week break. Have I ever mentioned how much I love it that she's in school now? Well at least for a few hours a day. Some say that preschool is just a glorified daycare. My thoughts on that after the last two weeks, I'll pay for that little piece of sanity. Does that make me a bad mom? I don't think so. It makes me a realistic mom.
So while James is attending class this week back in Port Hueneme, Caylee, Chiquita (the dog) and I are having lots of fun. Again ya'll....holy hell what has my life come to? Needless to say that I am eagerly awaiting James' return. He comes back just in time to go to puppy training classes next Saturday. That's a whole other topic. We started that last Saturday, and let me just say that I had the only dog out of 6 in the class that likes the smell and/or taste of listerine (an anti-bark method when used in a spray bottle form). You've got to be kidding me!!!!
Okay, wait a minute. STOP the presses! Let me back up a bit and explain. The dog is not a bad dog. In fact, she's pretty great, when she remembers to go outside to potty. She's definitely a lap dog and as lazy as I think a puppy gets. Great! That's one less thing I have to chase around during the day. She falls asleep laying on her back on your lap and will sleep there for hours, if you have the time. She's definitely a lap dog.
So things are not bad, they're just temporarily "out of order" at my house. All chaos shall come to a close soon. As I do with every deployment, I do the best I can and move on. So here I am...moving on! Adios until next time everyone!
I'm seriously having flash backs of our first deployment as a family of 3. Caylee was only 3 months old and I was a pseudo single parent while my husband went to fight for our country. James has only been gone 2 days, and I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Between taking the dog out excessively to teach potty training, cleaning up the accidents when the dog decides that she doesn't want to go outside in the dark and/or rain to potty, everything that I have to do for Caylee, plus take care of everything here at home; I'm a woman on the edge. Not to mention that I haven't used the bathroom in like 6 hours. I haven't had a moment to myself. It's crazy.
Is this what having two children is like? If so, take me off of that list as this vintage body just can't hack it anymore. Day three should be much better as Caylee goes back to school tomorrow morning after a two week break. Have I ever mentioned how much I love it that she's in school now? Well at least for a few hours a day. Some say that preschool is just a glorified daycare. My thoughts on that after the last two weeks, I'll pay for that little piece of sanity. Does that make me a bad mom? I don't think so. It makes me a realistic mom.
So while James is attending class this week back in Port Hueneme, Caylee, Chiquita (the dog) and I are having lots of fun. Again ya'll....holy hell what has my life come to? Needless to say that I am eagerly awaiting James' return. He comes back just in time to go to puppy training classes next Saturday. That's a whole other topic. We started that last Saturday, and let me just say that I had the only dog out of 6 in the class that likes the smell and/or taste of listerine (an anti-bark method when used in a spray bottle form). You've got to be kidding me!!!!
Okay, wait a minute. STOP the presses! Let me back up a bit and explain. The dog is not a bad dog. In fact, she's pretty great, when she remembers to go outside to potty. She's definitely a lap dog and as lazy as I think a puppy gets. Great! That's one less thing I have to chase around during the day. She falls asleep laying on her back on your lap and will sleep there for hours, if you have the time. She's definitely a lap dog.
So things are not bad, they're just temporarily "out of order" at my house. All chaos shall come to a close soon. As I do with every deployment, I do the best I can and move on. So here I am...moving on! Adios until next time everyone!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
You Might Be a Military Spouse and Mommy If....
To put my own spin on Jeff Foxworthy's famed phrase, "You Might Be a Military Spouse and Mommy if...you've ever driven yourself to the Emergency Room because your eyes are swelling shut and you refuse to have I.V. drugs because they take too long and would upset your husbands school schedule and your daughter's care.
Yep, you guessed it. My eyes continued to swell and since I have an allergy to latex, which makes it hard for me to breathe on occasion during a reaction, I decided that I needed to go to the Emergency Room. Here's where the real fun begins. I realized at 2:00 a.m. that my eyes weren't getting any better and that slowly they were getting worse. The next step might be breathing issues if I continued to stay at home and let it play out. So, I woke my husband up and told him that I was driving myself to the Emergency Room. No, don't freak out...it was my decision for him to stay behind and take care of our daughter. The hospital here in Monterey didn't permit any children under the age of 18 in the hospital due to the threat of the H1N1 virus so someone had to stay home with her. Besides, it was a quick 15 minute drive at 2am.
Once I got to the Emergency Room they quickly ushered me back to a room where I was examined carefully by a nurse while I waited for the doctor to come in. While I was waiting for the doctor the nurse wanted to start an I.V. on me. This is about a joke. I'm a hard stick and so those don't go in unless I or the doctor truly think that it's necessary. I politely asked him to hold off until the doctor came in, which he did with no problems once he saw my crapped out veins. Folks it's not hard to figure out, 34 surgeries plus other minor procedures = crappy veins. I've actually made nurses cry because they've had to stick me so many times.
Anyway, back to the story. When the doctor came into the room a few minutes later, he seemed to figure out what was going on. After examining me, it seemed to him that I was having an allergic reaction to something they used during surgery, but whatever that thing was would remain a mystery. He told me that he wanted them to start an I.V. so that he could give me a few different antihistamines to shock my system back to normal so to speak. During his examination he did figure something out that baffled me, but also gave me some relief. It seems that the annoying echo that I was hearing in my right ear after surgery was because my inner ear was swollen due to this reaction. He assured me that the meds would work and that the echo would disappear once the swelling went down.
Before he had the nurse start my I.V. he asked who would be taking me home. When I told him that I would be taking myself home, he looked at me funny and said, "well I hope that you have 6 hours to wait here AFTER the medicine goes in because that's how long you have to wait here to make sure that you're okay to drive." By this time it was 3 am and my husbands first class started at 8am and Caylee had to be at school by 8:30. Nope, I didn't have time for this. So I asked him what my other options were. He told me that he could prescribe medications in pill form for me to take, and that I could pick them up at the pharmacy and be on my way within the hour. Ding Ding Ding!!!! I'll take curtain #2.
On the way to the pharmacy, I contemplated how I had come to this decision. I had made the decision without any real thought at all to prolong my allergic reaction so that I could be home in time for my husband to go to school and for me to take my daughter to school as well. Not to make myself sound like a martyr or anything because I'm no where near that. I just think it's funny how the needs of military spouses and parents, some are one in the same go unnoticed. Then I realized that not only does my husband have to put his duties first, so do I. It was quite an eye opening experience for me.
That decision has played in the back of my mind each time that I have had to make a decision that will affect my family. It weighs heavy on my decisions and my train of thought. I think that when we marry our active duty spouses and become parents, we sign somewhat of a silent contract that states that we'll always put the needs of our spouses and children above our own. So, in closing, "You Might Be a Military Spouse and Mommy If" you look like someone punched you in the face and you ask yourself, Will my husband still be able to make it to class if I do this?"
Yep, you guessed it. My eyes continued to swell and since I have an allergy to latex, which makes it hard for me to breathe on occasion during a reaction, I decided that I needed to go to the Emergency Room. Here's where the real fun begins. I realized at 2:00 a.m. that my eyes weren't getting any better and that slowly they were getting worse. The next step might be breathing issues if I continued to stay at home and let it play out. So, I woke my husband up and told him that I was driving myself to the Emergency Room. No, don't freak out...it was my decision for him to stay behind and take care of our daughter. The hospital here in Monterey didn't permit any children under the age of 18 in the hospital due to the threat of the H1N1 virus so someone had to stay home with her. Besides, it was a quick 15 minute drive at 2am.
Once I got to the Emergency Room they quickly ushered me back to a room where I was examined carefully by a nurse while I waited for the doctor to come in. While I was waiting for the doctor the nurse wanted to start an I.V. on me. This is about a joke. I'm a hard stick and so those don't go in unless I or the doctor truly think that it's necessary. I politely asked him to hold off until the doctor came in, which he did with no problems once he saw my crapped out veins. Folks it's not hard to figure out, 34 surgeries plus other minor procedures = crappy veins. I've actually made nurses cry because they've had to stick me so many times.
Anyway, back to the story. When the doctor came into the room a few minutes later, he seemed to figure out what was going on. After examining me, it seemed to him that I was having an allergic reaction to something they used during surgery, but whatever that thing was would remain a mystery. He told me that he wanted them to start an I.V. so that he could give me a few different antihistamines to shock my system back to normal so to speak. During his examination he did figure something out that baffled me, but also gave me some relief. It seems that the annoying echo that I was hearing in my right ear after surgery was because my inner ear was swollen due to this reaction. He assured me that the meds would work and that the echo would disappear once the swelling went down.
Before he had the nurse start my I.V. he asked who would be taking me home. When I told him that I would be taking myself home, he looked at me funny and said, "well I hope that you have 6 hours to wait here AFTER the medicine goes in because that's how long you have to wait here to make sure that you're okay to drive." By this time it was 3 am and my husbands first class started at 8am and Caylee had to be at school by 8:30. Nope, I didn't have time for this. So I asked him what my other options were. He told me that he could prescribe medications in pill form for me to take, and that I could pick them up at the pharmacy and be on my way within the hour. Ding Ding Ding!!!! I'll take curtain #2.
On the way to the pharmacy, I contemplated how I had come to this decision. I had made the decision without any real thought at all to prolong my allergic reaction so that I could be home in time for my husband to go to school and for me to take my daughter to school as well. Not to make myself sound like a martyr or anything because I'm no where near that. I just think it's funny how the needs of military spouses and parents, some are one in the same go unnoticed. Then I realized that not only does my husband have to put his duties first, so do I. It was quite an eye opening experience for me.
That decision has played in the back of my mind each time that I have had to make a decision that will affect my family. It weighs heavy on my decisions and my train of thought. I think that when we marry our active duty spouses and become parents, we sign somewhat of a silent contract that states that we'll always put the needs of our spouses and children above our own. So, in closing, "You Might Be a Military Spouse and Mommy If" you look like someone punched you in the face and you ask yourself, Will my husband still be able to make it to class if I do this?"
Dr. Blue Eyes
Oh hey there! Yep, you guessed it. I'm baaaccckkk! I realize that it has been one month since I last posted, but that's all going to change. Now that the worst of my surgery is over, I can now get back on track with my writing and blogging ventures. The last month has not been an easy one. It has presented several hurdles along the way. In the midst of those hurdles, I've learned a lot about myself, my family, my friends and well...to be honest, good ol' Dr. Blue Eyes has learned a lot about me too.
Let me back up a little to 3 weeks ago when I had my first hurdle. You see, 3 weeks ago I woke up with red, swollen, itchy eyes. As if this wasn't a big enough problem when I'm supposed to be getting up to drive my daughter to school. When I got up to inspect the problem, I also noticed lots of little red bumps all over my forehead. It looked like someone had punched me in the face. How in the heck was I going to take Caylee to school looking like this? Yeah, no worries my husband had to e-mail his professors and tell them all that he would be missing class on this particular day. Instead of sitting in class, he was Driving Miss Courtney (and Caylee). It was kind of nice for a change to be honest, but the conditions under which he was forced to do so were awful.
Throughout the day, I took Benadryl and kept ice on my eyes praying that the swelling would go down and that it was just a fluke, but no such luck. Later that night, as I was talking to my husband I noticed that he was looking at me funny. Okay, funnier than he usually looks at me. He then noticed that I had a red outline on every one of my incision sites. Are you kidding me? As if this nightmare wasn't bad enough already...now it looked like I totally lost a fight with Freddy Kruger. My incisions were all itchy, red and raised and my eyes looked like someone punched me in the face. You've got to be kidding me! The Benadryl wasn't even touching my symptoms.
At this point, I'll be honest, I freaked out a little. Okay, maybe I freaked out a lot. So I called the Neurosurgeon on call, which happened to be a nice gentleman by the name of Dr. Carver. When I told him what was happening he told me that it sounded like I was having what they call a silastic allergy. This meant that my body was reacting to the silicone tubing that they had just replaced. At this point, I thought that someone was playing a cruel joke on me. You've got to be kidding right? Dr. Carver continued asking me questions about the surgery that I had just endured and other medical history. When I told him that I had my last tubing for 30 years, the phone went silent. I thought the man had hung up on me. Come to find out, he was just in shock. Enough shock that after we ended our first conversation, he called me back 3 additional times to make sure that I was serious about how long I had my previous tubing. In the final call he told me that I needed to make a follow-up appointment for the following day with Dr. Blue Eyes. Okay, no problem.
The following day I called the office and was told to come in immediately. Once I got to the office they showed me back to my waiting room right away. I know, you have to be just as shocked as I was that I got in so quickly. To make a long story short, Dr. Blue Eyes came in to see me. He checked out my now only slightly swollen, red, itchy eyes and decided that I was not having a silastic allergy reaction as Dr. Carver had predicted, but that I was allergic to something that they used during surgery, to which we have no idea what that could be. He checked my incision sites and sent me on my way.
I was hoping that the worst was behind me. Clearly, I was wrong...dead wrong. I'll explain the rest in my next post so stay tuned.
Let me back up a little to 3 weeks ago when I had my first hurdle. You see, 3 weeks ago I woke up with red, swollen, itchy eyes. As if this wasn't a big enough problem when I'm supposed to be getting up to drive my daughter to school. When I got up to inspect the problem, I also noticed lots of little red bumps all over my forehead. It looked like someone had punched me in the face. How in the heck was I going to take Caylee to school looking like this? Yeah, no worries my husband had to e-mail his professors and tell them all that he would be missing class on this particular day. Instead of sitting in class, he was Driving Miss Courtney (and Caylee). It was kind of nice for a change to be honest, but the conditions under which he was forced to do so were awful.
Throughout the day, I took Benadryl and kept ice on my eyes praying that the swelling would go down and that it was just a fluke, but no such luck. Later that night, as I was talking to my husband I noticed that he was looking at me funny. Okay, funnier than he usually looks at me. He then noticed that I had a red outline on every one of my incision sites. Are you kidding me? As if this nightmare wasn't bad enough already...now it looked like I totally lost a fight with Freddy Kruger. My incisions were all itchy, red and raised and my eyes looked like someone punched me in the face. You've got to be kidding me! The Benadryl wasn't even touching my symptoms.
At this point, I'll be honest, I freaked out a little. Okay, maybe I freaked out a lot. So I called the Neurosurgeon on call, which happened to be a nice gentleman by the name of Dr. Carver. When I told him what was happening he told me that it sounded like I was having what they call a silastic allergy. This meant that my body was reacting to the silicone tubing that they had just replaced. At this point, I thought that someone was playing a cruel joke on me. You've got to be kidding right? Dr. Carver continued asking me questions about the surgery that I had just endured and other medical history. When I told him that I had my last tubing for 30 years, the phone went silent. I thought the man had hung up on me. Come to find out, he was just in shock. Enough shock that after we ended our first conversation, he called me back 3 additional times to make sure that I was serious about how long I had my previous tubing. In the final call he told me that I needed to make a follow-up appointment for the following day with Dr. Blue Eyes. Okay, no problem.
The following day I called the office and was told to come in immediately. Once I got to the office they showed me back to my waiting room right away. I know, you have to be just as shocked as I was that I got in so quickly. To make a long story short, Dr. Blue Eyes came in to see me. He checked out my now only slightly swollen, red, itchy eyes and decided that I was not having a silastic allergy reaction as Dr. Carver had predicted, but that I was allergic to something that they used during surgery, to which we have no idea what that could be. He checked my incision sites and sent me on my way.
I was hoping that the worst was behind me. Clearly, I was wrong...dead wrong. I'll explain the rest in my next post so stay tuned.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Journey Continues
So, I guess you can tell that I'm back finish off my previous post about #34. When I woke up in the recovery room, a familiar voice greeted me as my eyes opened, it was Dr. Dimitrov. He quickly asked me about the state of my "haircut" and if it was to my liking. This brought the panic back, but as I lifted my hand to the right side of my head I realized that he had done the best he could to only shave what was necessary for him to complete the surgery.
Then he proceeded to tell me that there was a reason that I was feeling bad as my shunt tubing had disconnected at my collarbone and could have also been leaking in several other locations. He also informed me that everything went well, but that I would need another surgery in 5-7 years to completely replace the whole shunt system. Great...just what I didn't want to hear...another surgery would be in my future. Now come on folks, I'm not dillusional. I realize that my body isn't normal and that occasionally I have to take the time to let the surgeons do what they must in order to keep this machine running. I guess after #34 you could consider me vintage as I have had more surgeries than my tender age of 30. Nope, this time I awoke with 5 incisions and feeling like a mack truck hit me, but I was determined to make it out of the hospital in time to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and friends.
Wait a minute...a new panick has just set in.... Did I really just consider myself vintage?
Now you see, I'm not much a medicine taker so my hospital stay was short lived. I got only the required antibiotics and then I was off to spend Thanksgiving with my amazing friends. This couldn't have been better. I even told myself that I was well enough to do Black Friday shopping. I decided to head to Michael's that evening with a few of my friends when I realized halfway through that this "vintage body" doesn't bounce back like it did when I was 19 (the last time I had a similar surgery). After that experience I decided that I was better off sleeping in on Friday and letting the mass chaos of shoppers go on without me. Don't worry though, I'll be back on my feet in time to be in the mix of mass chaos next year. :)
This all leads up to the past few days and the reason that I haven't updated my blog. The past several days have not been in any way pleasant for me. My body takes longer to heal than it used to. It's days like those that I wish I had my 19 year old body back. Well those aren't the only days I wish for that, but those are the days that I seem to wish for it most, right along with days that I wish for my pre-baby body back. :)
Today has been the best day for me so far, as I have not had any headaches or any weird feelings in general. I am able to type this post without seeing double and questioning my sanity all in the same post. We'll see how tomorrow pans out, but I'm guessing that it is going to be even better than today. Now, if only those cleaning fairies stopped by my house. That would make this whole journey complete.
Ahhh....one can dream.
Then he proceeded to tell me that there was a reason that I was feeling bad as my shunt tubing had disconnected at my collarbone and could have also been leaking in several other locations. He also informed me that everything went well, but that I would need another surgery in 5-7 years to completely replace the whole shunt system. Great...just what I didn't want to hear...another surgery would be in my future. Now come on folks, I'm not dillusional. I realize that my body isn't normal and that occasionally I have to take the time to let the surgeons do what they must in order to keep this machine running. I guess after #34 you could consider me vintage as I have had more surgeries than my tender age of 30. Nope, this time I awoke with 5 incisions and feeling like a mack truck hit me, but I was determined to make it out of the hospital in time to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and friends.
Wait a minute...a new panick has just set in.... Did I really just consider myself vintage?
Now you see, I'm not much a medicine taker so my hospital stay was short lived. I got only the required antibiotics and then I was off to spend Thanksgiving with my amazing friends. This couldn't have been better. I even told myself that I was well enough to do Black Friday shopping. I decided to head to Michael's that evening with a few of my friends when I realized halfway through that this "vintage body" doesn't bounce back like it did when I was 19 (the last time I had a similar surgery). After that experience I decided that I was better off sleeping in on Friday and letting the mass chaos of shoppers go on without me. Don't worry though, I'll be back on my feet in time to be in the mix of mass chaos next year. :)
This all leads up to the past few days and the reason that I haven't updated my blog. The past several days have not been in any way pleasant for me. My body takes longer to heal than it used to. It's days like those that I wish I had my 19 year old body back. Well those aren't the only days I wish for that, but those are the days that I seem to wish for it most, right along with days that I wish for my pre-baby body back. :)
Today has been the best day for me so far, as I have not had any headaches or any weird feelings in general. I am able to type this post without seeing double and questioning my sanity all in the same post. We'll see how tomorrow pans out, but I'm guessing that it is going to be even better than today. Now, if only those cleaning fairies stopped by my house. That would make this whole journey complete.
Ahhh....one can dream.
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